By Mike

It’s becoming more and more obvious to me that Europeans and Aussies are pissed. I sent 10 of my best ninjas out to find the real reason why Rock Band, one of 2007’s best titles, is still unavailable for the European and Australian market. It’s been several weeks, and only one has just finally returned, badly wounded, with a story to tell.

The Ninja was able to interrogate the roommate of a friend’s sister whose husband knows a manager at Amazon.co.uk, who’s tight with a security guard who dates a Harmonix developer’s sister. Using unspeakable techniques of persuasion, he was able to find out the real reason why Rock Band is locked into the United States, still.

Both the European and Australian Department of Customs are pushing Harmonix, very hard, for more cowbell and they aren’t backing down. Rumor has it that there are tens of thousands of units already in both countries, being stored in old nuclear weapon silos, guarded by each country’s armies with both Harmonix and the United Nations on site.

While neither Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd or United Kingdom Prime Minister Gordon Brown responded to our request for an interview, we were able to get an interview from someone who claimed to be the Chief Negotiator of Video Game Relations for Tony Blair. He stated that Retired Honorary Tony Blair started the demand for more cowbell, enlisting Australia’s help, whose 478th largest export commodity just happens to be cowbell.

The Harmonix Developer who’s dating the security guard, Tony Blair, and both parliaments were not available for comment, and 9 of my ninjas are still missing. Please stay tuned for more information on this breaking story, as we at rockgamer.com continue our relentless investigation into this developing story. Tony Blair, who would have thought?